| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
I'm not sure if most of you know, but I've been single for a few months now. Long story short, Jeremy was basically using my mom and I and once he got his shit together, he left. The girl he cheated [yes, I call it cheating because he obviously had feelings for her] on me with is living with him and they're in a relationship.
It's all good though. I'm not going to talk shit about him, but it was best that something happened to get me out of that relationship. I was miserable and so unhappy with him. I tried to lie to myself and act like everything was okay, but he brought the worst out of me and I hated myself when I was with him. So needless to say, I'm pretty content on how I got about being single.
I've done my own thing and went out on a few dates. I'm seeing someone right now, but it's nothing serious. We both don't know what's going to happen, but whatever does happen, happens. I'm just going with the wind.
Jeremy hurt me. He hurt me pretty bad, honestly. I was depressed, I didn't have an appetite for awhile, and I just didn't know how the hell I was going to get over the heartache. He lied to me about everything and I still don't know what all happened. I might never truly know. I'm not going to dwell on it though. I'm just taking the pieces of my life and making it into something beautiful. I love how things are now without him in my life, but I still can't believe the things he did to me. I'm not sure if I should see about asking him because I doubt he'll tell me. How do you truly move on from someone when you have so many questions that need an answer? I'm the type of person that has to let someone know how I feel or else I don't feel satisfied.
And at the same time, I want nothing to do with him. I don't want to be friends, I don't even want to be an acquaintance because people like that wouldn't of done the shit he did to my family and I. God forbid, but if anything bad were to happen to me, I wouldn't want to hear from him. If I was in my death bed, I wouldn't want to see him. He'd be the last person I'd ever want to hear from or see. I don't hate him, I just don't want him apart of my life whatsoever. He means nothing to me now. I've forgiven him, but that doesn't mean I would want his condolences.
Kat and I went to walmart the other night and I saw him with her going back in from their break and all I could do was cry. I didn't cry because I missed him or because it hurt to see him with her. He was a huge part of my life. I trusted him with my whole heart and he smashed it into tiny pieces without giving a fuck. So I saw him there.. laughing and looking content with himself and all the decisions he's made.
It's so crazy how life works. I don't understand any of it.
I don't need anyone to hold me while I sleep. I don't need someone there to make me feel safe. I don't need that security blanket. I don't need a guy to be there for me, in general. I don't need anyone but myself.. and I couldn't be happier being by myself.
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
oh_iadorethee's journal
ecstatic